Thursday, October 05, 2006

Introducing Ellen by Lucy


I slowly walked into the small cluttered house where I was greeted by a small lady. She was wearing a very scruffy pair of jeans that and a top that looked like she had been wearing it for weeks. She was very chubby. Her eyes seemed to be multicoloured and they stared right at me.
“Hello are you Ellen Smith?” I asked her.
“Yes. I’m Ellen” she replied in her loud English accent.
She took me into a very small room that was meant to be the living room. I found it very hard not to trip over anything as it was so messy. The smell of her house was disgusting. It smelt like fish that had been lying in her house for 6 weeks. She definitely needed my help. I told her she would need to try and tidy up her house a bit and at least get rid of the horrible smell that had been there ever since she moved into that house. All the neighbours just couldn’t stand the smell. I was already feeling sick and I didn’t know how Ellen could live with the horrible smell. The smell was so strong that you could probably smell it from miles away! I was sure that she would much prefer a tidy and nice smelling home.

4 Comments:

At 4:34 AM, Blogger St Flannan's said...

Star:I loved the way you described the mess and how it was hard not to trip up in the house.

Star:I really liked the way you said that the house smelled like fish had been there for six weeks.

Wish:You could tell us how you made the house smell nice and how you tidied up the house.

 
At 6:46 AM, Blogger St Flannan's said...

chris


star I liked how you made it like she was wearing jeans for a very long time and the picture gave you good description about the jeans.



star I liked why you made the t-shirt saying keep fat club because that was funny.



wish I wish you could inprove by giving more description about the house.

 
At 6:47 AM, Blogger Killermont Primary School Writing Projects said...

Dear chris
thankyou for your helpful comment.
I will try to use more description on certain parts of the story.

 
At 6:49 AM, Blogger Killermont Primary School Writing Projects said...

thankyou for the wish about making the house better. I will describe the ending more.

 

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